Ask Loki
by The Wolf You Fear
Summary: JUST DO IT ASK LOKI A QUESTION YOU KNOW YOU WANNA
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so, evidently, I wasn't doing some of my formatting right so I had to delete and re-upload the fic with some changes. I now will only receive questions for Loki through PM. So, yeah. Here it is again! **

I tap the mic "Testing, one two three, testing, TESTING!" I cough, quickly trying to regain my composure.

"Hello everybody, fanfictioners and Marvel geeks, Loki fans and wolf lovers alike. I am TheWolfYouFear, the esteemed, uh…something, and I bring to you…A NEW FIC!

"As you may know, I am quite a Loki fan, and to prove my most heartfelt Loki-tude, I have captured him for you!" I Gesture dramatically to where Loki sits duct-taped to a chair.

"We only have him duct taped for safety precautions, what with him trying to commit genocide a couple times and all, but really, I wouldn't worry. The whole genocidal psychopathic Norse god thing is beside the point. BECAUSE WE HAS A LOKI! WOOT WOOT!"

Loki is looking angry and tries to talk. "MPhGRUGWHFF!"

"SHUT UP LOKI YOU'RE RUINING MY FIC! Anyways, as a Loki fan, I know how much we all would like to ask Loki some QUESTIONS! YAY FOR INTERROGATION! And so, what that means is that this fic is entirely dependent on your lovely reviews, so REVIEW PEOPLE. I don't wanna be stuck here with a captured Loki all the time, just sitting here, making corny duct tape jokes. YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO US, WOULD YOU?"

Loki tries to say something yet again but is muffled by the duct-tape. "MRPHGFRHMWFF! CGFRRRRPHH!"

I nod, "I agree, no one needs to hear the terribleness of the duct-tape jokes. PLEASE PEOPLE, SPARE US!

"Well, I'm ditchin' this joint! There's nothing around here but a Loki! How lame is that? Imma gonna go play Super Smash Bros, and when I come back…THE QUESTIONING WILL BEGIN! MWAHAHA!"


	2. Chapter 2

I walk into the room with hot dogs, strolling back to where Loki is still duct-taped to a chair.

"IM BACK EVERYBODYYY! First, let me just say that this fic has gotten an AWESOME response. I checked the fic like twenty minutes after I posted and I was like, 'OHMAHGERSH THERES REVIEWS'! So thank you all for being AWESOME!"

Loki tries his third attempt at speech. "MGRFPHFLL!"

"Yeah Loki, we all know that you're awesome too, but don't hog all the attention! You need to seriously see someone about this. I mean, taking your bro's throne and trying to kill him, isn't exactly gonna make your dad love yah. AND THEN YOU TRY AND RUIN MY FIC! You need help bro."

Loki sits in silence, glaring at me.

"Weeelll, let's get started, shall we? YES. WE SHALL."

I pull out envelopes with the reviews inside, because envelopes make everything cooler.

I clear my throat "And the first review is…"

**Ivy Cullen: Does Loki watch any movies he's in?**

I turn to Loki "Well, Loki, do you?"

Loki tries yet again to yell "MRPHGRGFFLLBFFF"

"Oh yeah, sorry about that, y'know, silence is golden but duct tape is silver! HAHAHA!" I rip off the duct tape gag.

Loki screams "OWWWW!"

"Oh, shut up Loki, answer the question already!"

He sits in silence, but slowly starts to grin.

"Uhh, Loki, stop it, you're freaking me out with that maniacal smile. ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Loki speaks slowly "Ehehe…This Ivy Cullen wants to know whether I watch my own movies?"

"YES"

Loki smiles, talking in slow, careful syllables. "She may be correct in wondering whether or not I see the transcending boundaries between our world and yours. It is, in truth, a strange question. Did she not see me take Hall H? I transcended the worlds, out of my movies. And this 'Tom Hiddleston' some of you speak of…I merely use him…ehehehe…"

"Well…that wasn't creepy at all… heh…NEXT QUESTION!"

**Guest: Loki, my question is have you ever used your horns to roast hot dogs? Cause if I had those portable skewers with me all the time I'd be in shishkabob heaven every time I got near an open flame, so tell the truth, have you at least roasted marshmallows on them?**

"And that is why I brought these," I dramatically hold out the plate of hot dogs. "MWAHAHA!"

Loki looks shocked "THAT PERSON SAID WHAT!?"

"No, actually, they didn't say what. The person did, however, ask you a question. ANSWER IT!"

Loki answers in a rage "What kind of a question is that!? To think that I would use my golden, ornate, beautiful horns to, to, to ROAST STUFF! It is unimaginable!"

I pull out Loki's horned helmet.

"What's this then?" I point to clearly evident marshmallow stains.

"THAT IS NOTHING! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!" Loki tries to get his helmet back by wiggling frantically in his chair.

"Well…If you say you haven't, we could at least _try_ some hotdogs. After all, your helmet looks like it needs a greasing." I hold the hotdog closer to the helmet.

Loki looks shaken and embarrassed "NOOOOOO!"

"Admit it."

Loki screams "NO!"

"ADMIT IT!"

Loki droops his head "Fine. I have used them at bonfires once or twice."

"FINALLY!" I pull back and munch on the hotdog. "NEXT!"

**Chloe bird-kid of all gods: Ask him what he would do If Thor joined him and the Avengers into a band.**

I jump up, grinning "OHMAHGERSH THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!"

Loki looks obstinate "NO IT IS NOT."

"Why not, Loki, yah scared? Im sure you'd make a great singer!"

Loki relents a little "Well…I may have some talent, but-"

"SING A SONG SING A SONG!"

Loki protests "No!"

"DO IT DO IT DO IT!"

Loki fights back "No! I am answering the question!"

"SIIINNNNGGGGG!"

Loki sighs "Fine. AFTER I answer the question."

"Fiinnee."

Loki sighs and looks away from me at the imaginary camera in front of us "I would NEVER join a band with my brother, or any of that infernal team you call 'The Avengers' THEY TRIED TO KILL ME! THEY TRIED TO STOP ME FROM TAKING EARTH! ASK YOURSELF! WOULD YOU NOT HAVE BEEN HAPPIER IF I HAD!?"

"Well…now that I think about it…"

Loki continues vehemently "SO I WOULD SABOTAGE THOR AND THE OTHERS' ATTEMPTS TO BRING US INTO A BAND AND IN THE END, I WOULD DESTROY THEM. Though that Skillet Band, they're not that bad. I could join them, maybe."

"Wow, Loki. Just wow." I shake my head slowly.

Loki sits back "I have stated my case."

"AND NOW YOU MUST SING FOR US!"

I hurry away and bring my laptop and pull up video of Skillet's Monster.

"SING THIS!"

Loki pantomimes singing it, with eyes closed and mouth wide. Fangirls everywhere die.

"NEXT QUESTION"

**Angiehero: Loki, do you think you'll have a love interest one day or do you think love will only get in the way of your master plan to rule Asgard and such? :)**

Loki turns red, clearly unsure how to answer such a question.

"Well, Loki, answer the question!"

Loki looks up "Did I ever say my master plan was to rule Asgard?"

"Well, attempting it several times throughout different movies kinda makes it obvious…"

Loki shrugs "Love. What a sentimental, primitive emotion you mortals feel. I am devoid of it. The Jotun do not know love. As for Asgard, I've already got that under control."

"Awww, Loki, don't feel that way! Of course you can feel love!"

Loki turns to glare at me "Even if I could I wouldn't. Take that!" He seems lost in thought and pulls out a picture of something, or someone.

I reach over and try to steal the picture but Loki vanishes it.

Loki laughs "Too slow."

"HE MUST HAVE A SPECIAL SOMEBODY!"

Loki glares at me again "Grrr"

"NEXT QUESTION"

**Guest: Ask him about Sif. That "you look ravishing" comment. That smirk and the "it's nice to see you too Sif". And those stolen/sideways glances in the first film. It can't just all be in my head. **

**Ask him about his "I like her" comment after being slapped. **

**Ask him about his plans. What the hey happened to Odin, because I refuse to believe that Loki killed him. **

**Ask him about the upcoming movies. I hear he'll have an appearance in Age of Ultron. Tell him I can't wait for Rangork and Infinity Wars. Heck, tell him I love him. **

**And for kicks, as him about Norse mythology. **

**About Hela, Sleipnir, Fenrir, Ullr, Jormungand.**

"Well, Loki, looks like you got your hands full here."

Loki turns beet red again.

"ANSWER HER QUESTIONS!"

"What do you want to know about Sif?" he asks

"They want to know if you liiike her."

Loki grins "I certainly like annoying her, if that's what you mean."

"Aww, come on, give us more than that!"

Loki sits in stubborn silence.

"Well, anyways, what about Jane? That, 'I like her?'"

Loki laughs mockingly at that "I was merely taking advantage of the situation so I could steal yet another scene. Do you mortals know nothing?"

"But do you like her?"

Loki yet again turns red, looking down "I am certainly a little fond of the mortal. That's all."

"Awwww. So what happened to Odin!?"

Loki shrugs "I didn't kill him, if that's what you want to know."

"Well, okay. And the upcoming movies. What about those?"

Loki smiles again, evil pleasure glowing on his pale face."I certainly anticipate the chance to steal more screen time. I also relish the chance to wreak havoc and destroy things."

"And you say you're not like Thor."

Loki waves that away, moving on "Do mortals always fall in love with fictional movie characters?"

"Well, not everyone, but apparently the one that asked the question…"

Loki nods "Ok then. I'll keep that in mind."

"Also, I have to tell you about Norse mythology now. Did you know that you have over five children, most of them being monsters or animals?"

Loki is shocked "I don't have any children!"

"In the myths, you actually have a giant wolf, an eight-legged horse, and a giant snake among your kids. I'm telling you, no matter what universe you are in your family is messed up."

Loki looks perplexed and a little conflicted. "Evidently…" he says.

"WELL, That's all the time we have for today folks! I will be watching for more questions that we can torture Loki with, and soon, the interrogating will start again! MWAHAHA!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, this is just a reminder that now I will only be answering questions for Loki sent through PM. I was doing some formatting wrong and had to make changes to the chapters but we shall continue the fic! **

"Well, hello everybody! We're here again today with me, TheWolfYouFear, and our favorite trixter Loki! This fic has gotten an AMAZING response so far, SO THANKS YAY! We shall now continue the epic interrogating of Loki!"

Loki glares "This has gone on far too long already!"

"WELL TOO BAD! People still want to ask you stuff, so as I always say, THE FIC MUST GO ON!"

Loki sighs "Fine. Im kinda stuck in this chair anyway."

"Exactly. Now, let's start!"

**Rat Mommy: In that S-Heim place when Thor was getting the snot beat out of him some say that you were too far away (possibly hightailing it outta there) to make it back in time to be stabbed and that you just sent an illusion to be splatted. I need to know because I've been collecting band-aids off my closet floor for you and I hate to be tricked.**

"Well, Loki, tell us! TELL US EVERYTHINGGGG!"

Loki looks slightly mad "Who are the mortals that doubted my actions? They are smart, but wrong. I daresay my stomach was hurting pretty bad after that." He starts to grin, "The hole kept freaking people out too. Thankfully, I'm feeling better now, so I don't need those band-aids, but thanks anyway."

"Well, there you have it folks, a demigod who can fake his death, get stabbed in the stomach and take the throne the same day! You've GOTTA admire the skill here."

Loki grins at me "For once you're right."

"IM ALWAYS RIGHT! NEXT QUESTION"

**Liv lokigirl: Hey Loki so truthfully what were you like when you were a child also can you turn into a woman a your jotun at the same time? By the way we don't think your a monster just cute.**

Loki turns red, taking a while to speak "She…she thinks I'm cute…"

"She's not the only one. You better get used to it. NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Loki nods, blinking, and looking confused as he tries to answer the question "As a child, um, well, I guess I was…childish? I don't exactly know what you're asking here…"

"TELL US YOUR CHILDHOOD SEECRETTSSSS"

Loki looks a little bit scared "Um…well, have you heard about Sif's hair?"

"The stories vary…"

Loki sighs and then promptly bursts out with "Well…IT WAS MY FAULT I CUT HER HAIR AND IT GREW BACK BLACK IT WASN'T MY FAULT I JUST WANTED A WIG FOR THOR'S WEDDING DRESS"

"WAIT WAT"

Loki quickly calms himself down "I've said too much."

"Yeah…I think you have…"

Loki looks back the imaginary camera "Also, to help answer your question, I can indeed disguise myself as a female, however, it is a mere illusion, not an actual change of my gender. Let's face it, THAT WOULD BE WEIRD!"

I nod "I totally agree with you on that. The female half of the world is already obsessed with you. We definetly don't need the OTHER half."

Loki smiles "Indeed. And yes, I am a Jotun. Is that not clear? I turn blue like three times in Thor."

"You're probably the only one who can pull off blue skin and still have more fangirls than Thor."

Loki grins, his eyes glowing red and his skin turning blue "Of course."

"NEXT QUESTION"

**ThatAwkwardCrazyAuthor: Can you make copies of yourself with a physical form? If so, do they contain a part of your soul or your sentience?**

"THEN WE COULD HAVE A LOKI FOR EVERYBODY!"

Loki looks amused "I'm afraid not."

"AWWW…But I wanted to become a millionare! I can see the billboards now! 'Buy your very own Loki!' 'Lokis for sale!' YOU'RE CRUSHING MY DREAMS!"

Loki shrugs "Like everything else, my duplicate selves are illusions. I'm sorry if that crushes your dreams, but that's how my magic works."

"DARN! NEXT QUESTION ALREADY!"

**Chloe bird-kid of all gods:** **ask him if the world exploded, would he take cake or ice cream?**

"WHAT?" said Loki

"Well, if Earth exploded and you had to take either cake or ice cream, which would you take?"

Loki chuckles at that "If Earth exploded I would merely laugh."

"BUT WHICH WOULD YOU TAKE!?"

Loki takes his time deciding "Ummm…ice cream."

"Why?"

Loki flashes his grin at me "BECAUSE IT'S ICY"

"I see what you did there, heh, heh. NEXT QUESTION"

**Guest: Loki, can you even fathom how devilishly handsome you are? Is it part of your whole package to destroy us all?**

Loki smiles pleasantly "For once a mortal has asked a relevant question."

"Well…I can't possibly imagine what the answer to THAT is."

Loki waits a beat, before answering "YES! MWAHAHAA!"

"That wasn't obvious at all…"

Loki looks at me "Just let me have my moment of glory! MWAHAHAAAAAAA!"

"Well…ok then…NEXT QUESTION"

**Lady The Warrior: Ask Loki about Sigyn, is there any Sigyn ? a secret wife that no one's know about and such... and again ask if he really was tortured in the abyss in the hands of Thanos? and ask him is he going to do something about Thanos coming to take his head cause he um... let's say screwed up at conquering the earth.**

Loki asks, "Sigyn?"

"Yup."

Loki, confused, asks "Who is this Sigyn you speak of? It certainly seems like a normal Asgardian name, but I've never met her, whoever she is…" Again he pulls out a photograph.

"WELL ARENT YOU A LIAR"

Loki is unfazed "Yes, actually, I am." He vanishes the photo.

"And also, what's the whole ladida with Thanos? Did he torture you so you would come and take Earth or something?"

Loki nods mildly "Well, that was his intent…"

"WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU LOKI"

Loki suddenly looks secretive, but eventually relents "Well, I don't really want to get into it, but it was pretty bad…he incessantly teased me for my horns. MY BEAUTIFUL HORNS! HE THREATENED TO STEAL IT AND TWEET PICTURES OF HIM WEARING IT! It was all I could do to manage to get captured."

"WAIT WAT"

Loki looks down "Again I have said too much."

"DID YOU MEAN TO GET CAPTURED!?"

Loki grins "Maybe…"

"Well, on that scary note, our time's up for today! I'll be on the lookout for more juicy questions, and we will torture Loki for eternity! MWAHAHAHAAAA!"

** Again, only PM messages will be answered in the next chapter. THE FIC SHALL GO ON!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello, all you awesome readers! I'm very sorry this chapter is late! However, Loki still has not escaped, and we can keep asking him questions! YAY!"

Loki glares at me, "It's not exactly _easy_ to get out of here, you know. I've been in several prisons before, but NONE ever used this, this infernal duct tape!"

I nod, "I feel your pain, Lokester. I don't like looking like an aluminum-foil-wrapped burrito either."

Loki whirls around in a rage, "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?"

I back away slowly, "Heh…heh…LET'S GET TO THE QUESTIONS!"

**Chloe-bird-kid-of-all-gods asks, What's 1+2+3+4 divided by 10**

**do you like Elsa from Frozen **

**what type of bird wings would you have if you had wings**

**darcy and jane are locked in a cave with a leopard. who do you save (only one, answer wisely)**

I hand Loki a calculator, "Let's see if you're really such a genius…hehe."

Loki stares intently at the calculator, "What is this thing?"

"IT'S A CALCULATOR!"

Loki looks confused, "What is this, 'calculator'?"

"Oh, whatever," I take the calculator back, "JUST FIGURE OUT THE MATH PROBLEM ALREADY!"

Loki sits in the chair quietly, the wheels turning visibly in his mind. I start to get uncomfortable, watching Loki sit there like that, because it looks as if he's planning how to destroy the next realm on his list. Finally, he speaks.

"Seventy four million," he says with confidence, looking over at me with a grin.

I face palm. "Loki, um…I don't know how to tell you this, but um…the answer is one."

Loki visibly pales, "You say I was WRONG!?"

"Uh, yep." I laugh nervously.

"BUT IM NEVER WRONG! ONE TIME I THOUGHT I WAS WRONG BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT I WAS RIGHT! I'M NEVER WRONG!"

"You done yet?" I ask casually.

He finally sits back, and if I didn't know better, I would say he was pouting. "Yeah," he says, "I'm done."

"Oky doky, let's move on. Do you like Elsa?"

Loki looks confused, "Who is Elsa?"

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU HAVENT HEARD OF THE MOST OVERRATED MOVIE IN THE UNIVERSE!?"

"Well, apparently I haven't," Loki says casually, "Do tell."

"Well, all you really need to know is that Elsa has ice powers, extreme mood swings, and can make up songs while creating ice castles and snowmen that like summer. DO YOU LIKE HER!?"

Loki is visibly shaken, "There's someone else out there with ice powers and mood swings?"

"Yup."

"Well…I think we'd get along. It depends, though, I'm not sure about the whole summer-loving snowman thing…"

"Yeah. Soooo… what type of wings would you have?"

Loki is confused, "The mortal wants me to kill a bird and take off its wings? Why? Why would I do such a thing?"

"Ughh, Loki, that's not what the question meant." I sigh, "If you had your own wings, like, on your back, what would they be like?"

Loki realizes, "Oooh. I get it."

"GOOD. NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Loki nods, "Well, I don't really know, but I have a sneaking suspicion that giant black raven's wings would suit me quite well, don't you think?"

I jump up and down, "OH MY GERSH YESSSS!" I run and get paper and draw tons of Loki-with-wings fanart.

"Also," Loki continues, "If you let me out of this chair, I could make an illusion of wings right now, if you want." He grins.

"NO! YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE! THE FIC ISN'T OVER YET!"

Loki droops his head, "Fine. But you're missing out."

"Yeah, nice try."

Loki grins "Why thank you."

"I was being SARCASTIC!"

"I know," Loki smiles.

"Anyways…Who would you save from the leopard? Jane or Darcy?"

"Would you never suspect that I would be the one to get them into that situation? That leopard could be my pet. No, most likely, the leopard wouldn't be hungry and there would be an exit to the left of the cave. I wouldn't have to save either of them, I could just sit back and laugh as they frantically looked everywhere but where the door is. Eventually, Thor would come and get them. Actually," he grins mischievously, "I should do that sometime."

"Don't get any ideas Loki, you're not going anywhere!"

"Yes, but how long until this fanfiction ends? How long until this story becomes nothing but a distant memory to those who used to read it? What will you do then? Will you-"

"STOP TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME LOKI! YOU'RE MAKING ME QUESTION MYSELF! THAT'S JUST MEAN! STOP IT!"

"Fine, but you're the one who chose to capture and interrogate the god of mischief."

"YEAH SHUT UP!"

Loki sits in silence, smiling.

"NEXT QUESTION!"

**consultingsorcererof221B asks, Oh, I have a question! (I accidentally sent this as a review but problem solved!)**

**So Loki, how far ahead do you ACTUALLY plan? Like in the first Thor movie you let the Frost Giants into Asgard and knew they'd probably fail then you obviously manipulated Thor into visiting Jotunheim...this is where things get confusing.**

**So I think your intention was just to trick Thor into breaking the rules and have Odin find out (so Thor won't become King)...So then Thor got banished and (where things REALLY get confusing) Odin goes into the Odinsleep...So you become King, lie to Thor when you could've just left him alone on earth so when Odin unbanished him he wouldn't come back home and be like 'w** Loki why did you lie?!'. Instead you sent an illusion to earth, approached your real father to betray your adopted father so you could betray your real father in the name of your adopted father so you could destroy Jotunheim and...My point is did you just think all of this up on the spot because how the heck do you PLAN all of that ahead?!**

Loki starts to cackle madly.

I turn to him, "ANSWER THE QUESTION AND STOP FREAKING ME OUT WITH THAT EVIL LAUGHTER!"

Loki retorts, "At least someone appreciates my schemes!"

"But HOW do you come up with them?"

Loki looks secretive, "It's easy really…"

"HOW!?"

Loki shrugs, "Google Calendar."

"WAIT WAT!? YOU PLANNED YOUR BETRAYALS OF EVERYBODY ON GOOGLE CALENDAR!?"

Loki nods, "It really helps. I just get an alert every time I'm supposed to double-cross someone." He smiles, "I recommend it to all villains."

"I did NOT see that coming."

"Of course you didn't."

"Yeah, yeah, NEXT QUESTION!"

**TheBattyWhiteCrow says, Ask him if he'd ever played truth or dare before. And if he's actually evil because of a lack of invitations to sleep overs, as Tom Hiddleston suggested in an interview!**

Loki is practically boiling with rage, "HE SAID HE WOUDN'T TELL!"

"WAIT WAT!?"

"He…betrayed me…HE PROMISED!"

"SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU TRIED TO COMMIT GENOCIDE BECAUSE OF SLUMBER PARTIES!?"

Loki won't answer, and is muttering angrily to himself words like, 'betrayal,' 'punishment' and 'puny mortal lookalike'.

"Well, that's…disconcerting…"

"YES IT IS!" Loki bursts out, before going back to mumbling.

"Yeah…and that's all the time we have for today! I'll be watching for more questions, and Loki will probably be planning revenge against Tom until I get back! Maybe someone should warn him…"


	5. Chapter 5

The room is cold and dark, perfect for the preferences of its occupant. Shadows play a charade on the walls, slipping further, further into their laughing selves. The person of interest himself is examining one of the slithering beasts, playing his hands through the shafts of lonely light to see if he can get a bunny to appear on the wall in shadow.

Suddenly, footsteps jerk away his shifting stare, and a change of light reveals his now duct-taped, perfectly imprisoned form, awaiting interrogation. The disembodied bunny shadow hops away.

"Now, now, I know I've been gone a long while, but don't go all sad-green-kitten-eyes on me, okay? I was very busy being lazy, so don't question me!"

I waltz in with a platter of cookies and a hidden bottle of Thoreal, only to see the Mischief God directly disobeying my orders. The stare of his forlorn, emerald eyes wide as the moon is too much, and I shield my eyes.

"Hey! I told you not to! I SHALL NOT BE SUBJUGATED!"

A muffled laugh is the response.

I set down the cookies and sit across from the trickster. "Well," I say, pulling out an envelope dramatically, "How've you been faring for the last…three months?" I rip the duct-tape from his face so he can scream for a second and then talk.

"…Seven months," he gasps, rubbing his sore mouth, "Seven months and eleven days, to be exact."

"Oh, go on and be all specific, why dontcha. I brought questions and cookies, so it's all good in da hood!" I stuff a cookie in my mouth and open the envelope.

"But…you're not wearing a hoodie." He looks at me, confused.

I laugh, "By Odin's underwear, you're clueless sometimes, but I can remedy that!" I shove a cookie in his face.

"MFFGRRRBLLEHHHAAGFFF!"

"I know! Snickerdoodles ARE the best!" I open the envelope and clear my throat dramatically, "Shall we begin? Yes, yes we shall."

Loki growls from behind his cookie.

"Amaryllis Kay says; **Dear Loki, I have gathered together many millions of your fangirls and we have formed an army, Loki's Army! We have all kinds of awesome weapons and we are ready to do whatever it is you want us to do. All we need is an order. What is your order, Oh King of wherever we're gonna invade or whatever? Oh, and you deserve this." **An illusion of Amaryllis pops out of nowhere, hugs Loki, and disappears.

"AHH!" He screams, shuddering, and looking around for more randomly appearing, affectionate fans.

"Oh, come on, you chaotic piece of fuzz! I haven't even finished!" I continue, "**By the way, would you be really, really, really, really, really awesome and teach me magic? Because I want to be a Disney Villain when I'm older and learning magic is one step to it. Besides, I would love to be able to shapeshift and create illusions of myself! Lots of love, Amaryllis."**

"A human with the ability to…hug others whenever or wherever she wishes wants to know about magic? She already seems to have quite an uncanny ability…" he shudders again.

"I believe she wants more specifics than that, though that power alone could come in quite handy…"

Loki shrugs, "Well, magic is really quite a dangerous art to learn, but if this mortal wants to know…so be it." He grins, "First, Amaryllis, feel your power flowing like tainted electricity through your veins, ready to strike, bend, and break anything and everything, if you can only possess the means to unleash it. Then, comes the part where strength and resolve are everything. You must strike an epic pose, and solemnly mutter the ancient word…'Abracadabra!' under your breath! I know, I know it is hard, but you will master it eventually, and the twisted power of magic will be yours! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I gape at him, but he continues diabolically smiling.

"Uh…ahah, heh…yeah, um, yep!" I shoot a concerned glance his way "Uh, let's keep going! **Ask him about his opinions about the various females in the movies—roslin.**" I smile, "Ooh, this is an interesting one."

Loki looks convincingly disinterested, but I continue, "Let's see, there are Sif, Jane, Darcy, and the fangirls, so tell us your opinions!"

He shrugs, "I've already told you mortals how much fun it is to irk Sif, and of my, uh…relative indifference to Jane, and I have no idea who this Darcy is."

"She's like a more random, female, loud and quirky, non-evil version of you. And she's Jane's intern."

"I see. Well, I've never met her, but I've heard of the famous Tazering of the blonde oaf" he smiles reminiscently, as if wishing he had done so himself, "…I think we'd be allies."

I look at him, "And the fangirls?"

He quirks his eyebrows at me, "The fangirls aren't in the movies."

"Oh yeah, they forgot to tell you about their master plan to infiltrate the universe and have you chase them while they traipse around the realms with your helmet…but that's a story for another time…heh, next!

"Cloe-bird-kid-of-all-gods says, **Omg tell him there was a girl asking about him BY NAME saying her name was Sif and to come quick; Asgard's under attack. Ask him if I should tell her he's been ransomed and the price is you get a kiss from him and a photo session/concert with him and the Avengers, cause I haven't given up on the idea of a band.**"

Loki grins, "As if I would be concerned with the fate of Asgard. How quaint."

"But think about it…all you gotta do is take a bunch of pictures with me and go play music with your mortal enemies, and you can be free!"

"Don't forget the kiss," he reminds with a blinding smile.

"Uh…," I blush, "Yeah, that too. Well, what do you say, you genocidal plop?"

"I say many things. You know this."

I roll my eyes, "You're a Jotun, not a Vulcan! At least TRY to understand me!"

He smiles, "You doubt my capacity to free myself."

"And yet, here you've been for seven months."

A devious look crosses his face and wanders away to be lost in the bewildering charm that clings to him like the duct-tape he's wrapped in. "Sif can take care of Asgard by herself; I'd rather plan my concerts on my own time."

"WHA—WAIT, YOU ACTUALLY DO CONCERTS!?" I lean forward excitedly, imagining the epicness (and fangirl stalkerism) that would ensue.

Loki shrinks back, "Uh…can we move on?"

"Okay, fine," I say, still fantasizing of the swag concerts, "Anelson says**, -1. Does he prefer his hair shorter as it was in the first Thor movie, or longer as it was in the second Thor movie? Or maybe even if he likes it the best how it was in the avengers. **I have a special plan for this question, so answer quick!" I say with a wolfish grin.

"Well, I believe the longer the better! Rapunzel had the right idea; hair is on our heads for a reason, and that is to do epic things with it!" he says enthusiastically.

"And that, my friend is what we shall do," I say, pulling out the Thoreal, "Prepare for the full epicness of your hair to be unleashed!" I wave my hand and a full-out hair salon appears.

"What are you going to do to my beautiful tresses?" Loki accuses in a panicked tone.

"You'll find out soon, now won't you? Yes, YOU SHALL!"

_Twenty minutes later_

Back in the good ole' interrogation basement, I sit finishing the final touches on Loki's new do. The trickster is pouting determinedly enough to resemble a wet kitten, sufficiently angry at life and moisture.

"Alright, aaaaaannd…done!" I say victoriously, standing back to admire my handiwork. Truly, it is a piece of art. "Hold on a second!" I run and get a mirror.

A tangle of bow-tied braids stares back at him.

"YOU BRAIDED MY HAIR! YOU SHAPESHIFTING, INTERROGATING FEIND! YOU'VE RUINED IT!" He reaches up and sadly touches one of the extremely flattering braids.

"Hey, I think a slightly deranged stylist thing is a good look for you! SO DEAL WITH IT!"

Loki continues pouting.

"Anyway…" I grin, "Let's continue, **2\. Does he know JUST HOW MANY FANGIRLS HE HAS?! THAT THEY WOULD TAKE OVER THE EARTH FOR HIM?!"**

Loki nods, "Yes. Yes I do."

"Of course you do, **3\. Does he like how Tom Hiddleston portrays him in the movies?"**

"They still haven't figured this out?" He gives me a questioning look, and I shrug, "As if Tom plays me in the movies…hah, as if they don't know that I merely use his lookalike-ness as a con that all of this is a farce…it's rather cute, actually…"

"Why do we have to end everything with a scary thing about Tom? I mean, REALLY…aheh, anyway, it seems our time has come again to a close, but I will be returning soon…hopefully before the next seven months go by!" I grin at Loki, "You can keep the cookies. Snickerdoodles will help you think up those diabolical plans in time for Ragnarok!"


End file.
